Hi Mister!

Dear Mister,

I guess its been a while I haven't updated my blog. There have been so many things happened lately i wish i could and would tell u all about them but sometimes words are just not able to describe things as good as experiencing it by yourself, don't u agree? (:

Anyhow, i figure its time to give you a name after crapping to you for so long without referring to u as Someone. But honestly? I have no idea what to call u.. I read a novel in which the girl named her blog Kitty, and a girl named her blog Fudgie... and as for u, i shall call u Mister till i figure out what to call u aight? (;  

Mister, I'm tired. I'm tired of all these studies and assignments and exams i wish i could take a break from all these for a while. i'm so tired i wish i could find a shoulder to lie on, even for just a second. I wish I could be cuddled, and be treated like a little child even for just a while. I know this may sound ridiculous to you, but this is how I am to be comfort. So will you? Gimme a hug, play with my hair, smile at me tell me everything is gonna be okay.. please?

Grief.

Grief : Intense sorrow caused by loss of a loved one (especially by death)

I'm just gonna pretend that you are not leaving me forever, but instead you have gone on a travel, for some adventures, to feel the adrenaline rush you have not felt in your whole life but somehow or rather you'll come back to me someday. But that doesn't mean I don't miss you, since you're all I had. And if talking to the moon makes me feel better, with the hope that you're talking to me on the other side, I'd do that every night.

With lotsa lotsa love from us to you, meet you in heaven, if dreams do come true.

I wish I could rewind the time, just so that I could look you in the eyes and tell you I love you for just one more time.
I wish I could rewind the time, just so that I could touch you for just one more time.
I wish I could rewind the time, just so that I could cuddle you in my arms for just one more time .
I wish I could rewind the time, just so that I could play with you for just one more time.
I wish I could rewind the time, just so that I could stay by your side to watch you sleep for just one more time.

I wish I could rewind the time, just so that I could stop everything that was gonna happen to you.
I wish I could rewind the time, just so that I could at least be with you when you died.
I wish I could rewind the time, I wish it was me who died instead of you.
And now that you are gone, everything you left behind just keeps reminding me of you.
And now that you are gone, I don't feel like coming home again cause it just doesn't feel like home without you around.
And now that you are gone, a piece of my heart has gone with you too.

And now that you are gone, I wish, I wish I could rewind the time, and save you from the accident.
And now that you are gone, you'd never know how much I miss you and how hard I am crying now.
And now that you are gone, I wonder if I'll ever see you again.


I love you Branny, forever and ever, even if death has done us part.

Tears behind the smile.

Just visited facebook. Its amazing how fast things change in just 2 days time. My Assistant Manager is now in a relationship with a girl he called pure geek just a few days ago. (Hah! I guess he was just saying that to cover up.) No wonder she came to visit him at work. But oddly, she never chose to dine in but take away instead. Its really funny to see how she acted in front of him. She looked so shy I think she's gonna burn herself up if she stayed a while longer. *chuckles*

Anyway, a staff from Sarjana Putra's branch came to help us out today (cause according to Adil we were short staff) His name tag reads 'Capix'. I have no idea how to read it, what bout you? Turns out his name is actually Syafiq but he tries to make it sound cute (according to Abang Faiz) and what's more funny is he could not read my name. How pathetic huh? He kept calling me 'Ah Moi' the whole time he was there. Honestly? I don't like people calling me that cause I feel insulted. (Don't ask me why I feel insulted, I just do)

Oh, and one more thing. What would you feel if a guy who's 2 years younger have a crush on you?

Hey Mister!

Today's work went pretty well and I started to think maybe it was a mistake for me to ask to resign end of this month. (Is it too late to regret now?) I really do love my job a lot and as well as the colleagues I work with. No doubt I need the money very much but I'm not so sure if the money worth the fun and joy I'm gonna have to sacrifice if I get another job. But well, if I were to resign, I have another thing to worry then. I have not a single idea on what reason to give for resigning. Any suggestion?

Well, today a customer filed a complain for his food was not delivered after half an hour (or was it an hour?) He got pretty pissed about it and was talking rudely to Izhar. I just stood there and watched that guy talked like some not-well-educated-kampung-people. I wanted to help so badly but I wasn't sure if my courage allows me to do so. I'm such a chicken huh?

Anyway, I think my bad luck has decided not to leave me alone yet. I woke up at 8 something this morning thanks to the cramp on my left calf. The pain was so intense I almost scream. Then at work I cut my hands again, not once but twice this time. AWESOME huh? Now I have altogether 4 cuts on my hands and I think those cuts make my hands look AWESOMELY BEAUTIFUL! (Sense my sarcasm? No? Forget it then, you fool.)

p.s. I have found another Mister 182. Guess who? Its my Assistant Manager, Izhar a.k.a. Panjang. But truth is I thought he was close to 190cm. I probably suffer from some lack-of-abilitiy-to-estimate-syndrome now (If there's such thing? LOL)

Miserable.

Miserable : very unhappy, full of misery.

Today was miserable. Okay well, maybe the bad luck has already started since last night. It was just that I was too ignorant to notice it. Anyhow, ya know sometimes, if a day is meant to be miserable, nothing can ever change its fate then. So I guess this is gonna be a very long post since I have so many things which I have to write down or I'll implode soon. And if you think you don't have the time to read it, then don't. Cause its never good to not finish what you have started, right?

It all started last night when I was on the way back from work. My parents were arguing bout how I was gonna go to work the next day since my dad had to work in the morning while my mum needed to go to church at the same time, which in turn means that there will be no car left for me to go to work. The argument lasted throughout the journey home until they finally decided that I would have to go to the early morning service and that an uncle would fetch me to church so that solved the transport problem.

This morning, I woke up with the worst mood ever. I was in no mood to go to church at all (oh Lord, pardon me >< ) I then told my mum if it was okay for me to not go to church (yes, I know this is bad and I couldn't believe I said it too ;s ) And of course she said no to which i replied with "I don't wanna go to work then." In the end? I went to church as usual but left right after the sermon and went straight to work after dropping by at home cause I left my phone at home, forgotten to wash my pants, dry my apron and iron my shirt in the morning.

Anyhow, I went to work with a cheerful heart cause I really do enjoy my job. But everything turned sour when my manager asked me to check my punch card cause he was counting our salaries. At that very moment only I realised all this while what I have been doing : arriving early, start work earlier than others, take short break etc went to vain cause they have another system of counting it. Which, in other words, no matter how early i arrive and start working, they will still count from 9.30a.m. cause that's the official working time. With this system, the extra hours that I worked were not paid at all. I was like WTH. I felt like I had been cheated cause no one has ever mentioned this to me before. (It then got me thinking maybe I shouldn't have rejected so many other job offers and accepted this one) After much consideration I finally told my manager that I wanna resign at the end of this month. Cause honestly, I need money. To me I think I'm being underpaid for all the time and efforts I had put into this job and i don't think I wanna work for free. I need a job which pays for what I give.

But well, that's like just another half a month to go so I said to myself I'll put in full effort this time. Work harder and improve myself to be a better barista. But things don't always go the way you want it, don't they? Cause right after that I was scolded for didn't follow the SOP (Standard Operation Procedure) in making hot chocolate. The SOP stated 150ml but I did 200ml (as I was taught by one of the seniors, which I don't even remember who cause I had like 5 seniors who were kind enough to teach me.) Well seriously, if you scold me for my mistake then yes I'll accept it humbly cause its my fault. But this time its not. I was taught to do that way and now I'm being shouted at for something which I don't even know is wrong. And guess what? I cried. Silly huh? I bet you must be thinking bout how immature I am, can't even take a bit of scoldings then how am I gonna work the next time? These were the questions which kept popping up in my head too but the tears just kept flowing down no matter how many times I told myself to not cry. Sighs. I'm just plain useless. Make me strong Lord, make me tough. I wanna grow strong to protect my family one day as I am the eldest.After much crying and sobbing and kind advice and funny jokes from Abang Faiz and Syahmie, I finally broke into laughter and appologized to my manager for my mistake. Cause after all, who am I to blame? It WAS my mistake.

An hour after that, I got a call from my mum which made me frowned. She complained bout my dad ignoring the fact that I was not allowed to take a break after 8 (My manager said so) and went to shower only at 7.52p.m. I frowned (after all the incidents which happened earlier) and told her, quite rudely, to just show up earlier. They did showed up of course, at around 8.12p.m. Lucky my manager still allowed me to have dinner with them but when I was about to punch out, my colleague informed me that I was not to dine in unless I change. (into normaly clothes instead of my uniforms) I was like WHAT? NO ONE MENTIONED THAT TO ME BEFORE! I then ran to my Assistant manager and he was kind enough to just ask me to remove my cap and tags. *sigh in relief*

After the meal, I went back to work and there were like mountains of glasses awaiting for me to wash them. (Adil was kind enough to help me out at barista when I was having dinner with family but not kind enough to wash those glasses for me I guess.) I sighed, and washed all before I started cleaning up the mess Adil has left me with. He's a nice guy, really. He is always the one who lend me a hand when I need one. But I don't really like him handling my bar cause he always leave it dirty before handling it back to me. By the time I was done, my vision has blurred, probably cause of the cring earlier which made my eyes dry. I couldn't see clearly and my eyes ached but I couldn't do anything as it was near closing time so I needed to count the stock first.

As I was doing so with my super tired eyes, my dad showed up out of nowhere and told me that they never got the 10% discount as they were suppose to (as I am the worker). I then checked the receipt thinking maybe my dad has mistaken it but he was right. So I went to the Assistant Manager and asked him about it but he said it wasn't him who cashed in just now. Turned out it was Farah who did it but she didn't know it was my bill. I then talked to my GM about it but even he also couldn't do anything bout it. My dad then was questioning me and putting the blame on me before I got the second round of it from my mum when I got into the car.

Then as I was about done cleaning the bar only i remembered today is Sunday (We have to clean the coffee machine with Cafiza every Sunday and Wednesday.) and of course, that meant I have to rewash the coffee machine, with Cafiza this time. I felt like yelling and jumping and boxing and hitting and crying and laughing and kicking and rolling and cursing and bla bla bla. But I did none, of course. Cause my hero Adil came into help. (He asked me to call him hero for helping me out LOL) He helped me wash the coffee machine as i mopped the floor and washed the clothes. In return? I have to help him punch card as he left earlier hah. That was fair, i suppose.

And now I am home. But bad luck still doesn't end. My mum sickness came back again.

GREAT. What a day huh? Let's pray for a better one tomorrow? Wish me luck (:

Words kill.

Ya know sometimes all it takes is a small incident to ruin a person's day? Take for example today at work, I was busy doing my things in the barista when the manager called me from the cake counter to help out. I then went straight to the counter to attend to the customer but when I was about to take out the cake from the display shelf to cut it, he said, 'Nevermind, I'll do it' with a face which says 'I don't trust you, go away. Thank you.' At that very moment what I felt was not anger, but more like being hurt, as if being stabbed right in the heart. A feeling so depressing I couldn't smile at all after that. You might think what he said was no big deal. But for a newbie like me whose ability has not been proven, that was totally OUCH.

It sure felt bad to not being trusted. But this particular incident has also got me thinking, 'Have i ever made someone else felt that way too?' I'm sure the manager didn't mean anything when he said that but sometimes, just sometimes, you might unknowingly hurt someone else with words that you speak. Mind your words, cause words are indeed sharp enough to kill.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, oh Lord, my strength and my redeemer. (Psalm 19:14)

Life after STPM

I realize I love to write whenever insomnia hits. Probably cause i have nothing much to do other than lingering on fb stalking ppl or to listen some really old songs, which overall spells BORING.

Anyway, I have started working at Secret Recipe . The work is exhausting, but fun at the same time; and that is the reason why I am not willing to give up the job even though I think the pay is not worth the sweat and time I invest on it. And above all, I am grateful to get this bunch of colleagues who made me laugh my ass off everyday and seeing them trying to cheer me up when I almost cried after being scolded by assistant manager, Harun for not carrying out my responsibility well enough. made me wanna laugh and cry at the same time (it that's possible?) I just love them so much I don't think I will ever meet any other colleagues better than them.

Panjang (Izhar), Faiz, Adil (AG), Aida, Farah, Zeela, Ashok, Aiman and Daus ( I hope i have not leave out anyone ;p ) I love u people lotsa lotsa! <3

p.s. currently addicted to enrique iglesias somebody's me.